Let me introduce you to…. Emotions

And as I felt shivering down my spine, I felt like smashing something. At the same time, my eyes were telling a different story. Stop crying… Why would I? I am working towards something that will never happen. Something unachievable. You are stronger than this… Am I? Truly? Imagine two magnets. One is fucking scared of the truth and keeps running away. The other one is full of color and desire. It wants more. It runs after the first magnet. Wait… let’s give them names.

The first magnet will be a chicken. A chicken always runs when he is afraid. And the second magnet will be a panda bear. Now you’ll ask me: why does the chicken run from a panda? Because of its emotions and its attachment towards others. You’re telling them everything… It’s fine! Let them fucking know! I am tired of pretending. I am tired of running for something unattainable. Something it will never happen the way I want to.

Travel to more positive thoughts… I am on a cliff, standing right at the margins, getting ready to jump any second. I won’t die. You said I should have positive thoughts. There are tons of emotions gathering next to me. I felt them as they start peaking over the cliff. One of them is excitement. She is looking truly alive. She has her red hair and icy-blue eyes. She is full of life, ready to test something never tested before. Then, despair appears. His hands are shaking and his scarf is getting around his neck ten times faster, just so he can hide behind it. At the end of the line is anger. Dressed in black with a huge hat on his head, he is moving towards the peak of the cliff steadily and surely. As he is approaching the margin he feels relieved. As if he is going to fly towards something greater.

I knew anger. He started to be a part of my life a short time ago and we’ve bonded, but anger was as important in my life as it was my one-night stand at the university bar on Tuesday night. He was good, but he wasn’t wanted anymore. I got his hand in mine and looked him deep into his eyes. I knew that from this jump, only one of us could survive and that would be me. I counted from ten to one and when we were ready to make the jump, I did what any human would do. I changed my mind. Anger didn’t.

That’s when the panda became a leopard. He turned around from chasing the chicken and started living his own life. He understood the relationship between the two and tried to move on, go home and wait for the bigger prey.

Hello everyone and welcome back to #alexjostories! So, we haven’t seen each other in a looooooong time. Well, a friend of mine made me miss this and I decided maybe it’s time for me to pay more attention to my first love – writing. Lots of things changed while I was gone. I am now an English teacher and I really enjoy teaching children. Don’t worry I will update you on everything soon enough.

Sadly, the reason I stopped was that I didn’t feel like I still had it in me regarding writing and I felt like nothing was good enough for making it on the blog. So, after a conversation with my friend, I stopped thinking and analyzing anymore and I am publishing this piece. I hope everyone likes it as much as I did writing it. I’ll #seeyousoon!

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