She comes back to the house unexpectedly, just like a summer storm. She comes in whenever you ask for her. Even if you don’t want her there, she comes in powered by your thoughts of her or something that you do. She is triggered. She enters quietly, comes to the room where you’re at, and lays next to you just as your lover would. Outside, a few moments ago, it was sunny and the birds were singing. You look out the window again and suddenly, it started raining. Raindrops were hitting the glass. She smiled. You cried. Dressed in her black gown, full of pearls and diamonds, they filled with your energy.
She lays down in your bed looking at the ceiling. Same as you. Your side is drowned in her. Every vibration, every piece of information, every little ray of the sunshine outside is drowned in her diamonds. She waits and smiles. You wait and dispair. You turn around to look her in the eyes. She looks at you as if she is there to help. After a long time, you gathered up all your energy to look into her eyes. She is beautiful. She seems harmless at first sight. She is rotten on the inside.
‘What are you here for?’ you asked her, calmly. ‘You asked for me.’ she answered.
‘You’re not real. I made you.’ you concluded.
‘You did and you also let me control you.’
‘I made you beautiful. I made you strong. I made you confident and independent.’ you nodded. ‘I want you gone and out of my life.’
She smiled. She didn’t believe you were strong enough to do it. You stood up and she came by your side. Both of you were looking outside at the small raindrops hitting the window, slowly dripping down towards the ground.
‘You see… I realized that I was never alone after all. Each diamond that you have is mine. Every piece of fabric touching your body is mine. I gave them to you and I want them back.’
‘You’re not strong enough… Don’t you see? Nobody’s here. You are all by yourself, drowning in your own sorrow and despair. I am all that you have.’
You turned around to face her once more. She was old. Her beautiful face has faded into something unrecognizable. It was familiar, but this time around you looked at her with mercy. She wasn’t there because of you. She was there because of the surrounding. She was built by everything that has entered your life and she has been collecting memories into her diamonds. You took a closer look at them. She had 25 beautiful large diamonds; all collected onto a single necklace. You touched one at a time and suddenly they started to change colors.
‘What’s this?’ you asked
‘This is my work. This is everything that I have been building and designing for the past 25 years of your life.’ She looked at me deep into my eyes as if it was normal for her. So, I placed my hands on her diamonds and I snatched them. She was mortified. She couldn’t believe her eyes. I got my strength back. I got my memories back. Slowly that beautiful elegant woman started fading away.
Helloooo everyone and welcome back to #alexjostories. So, I have been thinking if I should share my story with all of you or not and after days of debating, I said fuck it. So, this wonderful story is based on my experience with anxiety and panic attacks. I have been dealing with these since I was in my third year at university. To be completely honest, at that time I didn’t know what was happening, therefore, I ignored it. So, last year with everything that went on with the pandemic, I started feeling overwhelmed and I decided to go to therapy. It was the most revealing experience ever. I discovered more of myself and I finally started to understand my emotions. Therefore, I decided to write about and I also named all my emotions. Today you met Angela – Anxiety.
I think all of us should talk more about what we are going through, especially when we are talking about emotions, because we tend to feel alone and as if there is a problem with us because we are feeling certain ways. Those things do not exist. There is no problem with you. Feelings are natural, therefore you should embrace them in every way, shape or form. That being said, I hope you liked it and I’ll #seeyousoon.