Hold on…

I was running towards something which I couldn’t point and, out of nowhere, I was stuck in a room full of people without being able to enjoy. I could hear the piano playing from the corner furthest away and people chit-chatting without a care in the world. I used to be one of those people. I used to talk to everyone, but now I am empty, and I cannot refill.

I stand and go towards the bar. I pour myself another drink, hoping that it will ease me in some sort of conversation. He is there as well, but he doesn’t see me. I prayed for years and years for something like we used to have but now it is slowly dissolving. I am washing away from his heart and there is nothing I can do but wait. Wait for the inevitable.

I move slowly through the room, people looking at me like I am going mad. I sit myself in the corner waiting, waiting to fall madly in love once again. I am waiting for my soul to transform into roses and for them to grow so much until they cannot fit into my chest. A voice I heard before, but which I cannot pinpoint starts singing and people are slowly moving towards the piano enveloping it from all sides. I stand still.

“Who hurt you?” I could hear a male voice closer than expected. When I turned around, I saw him again, but younger. The same one I fell in love with years ago. I couldn’t phantom the thought of him being right there and seeing me. I moved my eyes toward the piano, and I saw him right there as well, but he wasn’t looking. I turned my gaze again but there he was right next to me.

“Who are you?” I asked slowly, almost whispering afraid that people will hear me. Afraid that he will turn around and see me talking by myself. But he never looks.

“Your biggest desire and your biggest nightmare. I will ask you again: who hurt you?”

I didn’t want to voice it out loud. I want to keep it for myself, because every time I voice it, it backfires. I started doubting myself; maybe I might be going crazy. But then I would tell myself: it will come back around. It will change.

“You can say it out loud. I won’t hurt as much as you think,” he said smiling. Looking at him all I could think about was the number of kisses I would give him. The number of questions I would ask him.

“What do you do when the love is gone?” You throw glasses and plates at the wall; I answer in my own mind. You burn clothes and threaten to go, just to get a reaction out of the person you love most, but he is absorbed by whatever he is doing. I was so tired of crying and hoping and there has been a number of times when I gave up, but I told myself to hold on.

So hold on…

Hello everyone and welcome back to #alexjostories. So to be completely honest, I don’t remember what was the trigger for this story but the question still remains: what do you do when the love is gone? There are plenty of times when we feel lost, unseen, and unloved. This story is for everyone who feels unseen. I want to tell you that I see you and I hear you. My life is strange right now. I am searching for something, somewhere and it’s not coming along. I could say that I am a bit lost. One thing that I’ve learned in therapy is that things pass and there will be better days. Who knows when and who knows how they’ll come all I know is that I want to be in love. You’ll probably get more sad stories in the future from me but that’s ok. I am glad to get my groove back. Wink wink!

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